I’m having a late dinner as I type this at my favorite Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, the one with the best view of Burgos Circle in Fort Bonifacio. I don’t know how many stories, or talks, or blog posts I’ve written while eating one of the three relatively cheap meals I rotate here.
Tonight, I have decided to write, finish, and post the last part of my 5-part series on relationships. This is the nth time I’m attempting to write this, and my laptop contains more than a few unfinished versions. In reality, each of the last 4 parts have been difficult for me to write. They’ve been hard because I’m talking about an area that is not exactly a strength of mine. I haven’t always valued people, I haven’t always chosen right, many times I get the wrong message across, and I do fall into minimum requirements and entitlements. So writing this, thinking through my position on relationships, has really been an exercise for myself more than it is a how-to guide for perfect relationships. So again here’s my disclaimer:
I am NOT an expert on this. Not even close. As I share this, I don’t share the thoughts of a wise man, but those of a simple person learning through prayer, observance, study, and mistake after mistake. It’s important to me that my readers don’t ever think I’m this super great guy or a role model. Life has enough pressure on it’s own, if my thoughts can help then great, but I don’t need nor want unrealistic expectations of this good guy that’s very far from who I really am. What I am, who I am, is a guy who wakes up early, works hard, makes mistakes, says sorry, fixes things, makes more mistakes, and more, and learns sometimes, but the whole way never giving up and always running to God over and over and over again because He never gives up on me.
And this is the best point to jump into Part 5: It’s About Whatever It Takes, because that’s God’s way with us. To some, He has met us in our youth, to others later in life. Sometimes He speaks to us through a book, sometimes we hear Him in a song, or find Him in a moment both dark and amazing, and even sometimes through someone else. But whoever we are, whatever way to reach us, whatever language we understand, or whatever circumstance He has to place us in, or people to surround us with, for as long as is needed, He, our Father, does whatever it takes to reach out to us to show us His love so that we can enjoy a relationship with Him.
In our relationships, are we doing whatever it takes?
Whatever it takes to what?
Are we doing whatever it takes to show them that they’re most valuable, that we chose them and choose them daily, that we’re excited about the unlimited possibilities, and that no matter what happens we’ll find a way, or make one, to show them that we love them.
And let me make it clear that the goal is to love them NOT be with them. Sometimes it seems that we do whatever it takes to stay in a relationship but don’t put enough effort to love. Relationship is the form but love is what powers that form.
Aren’t they the same thing.
Being in a relationship means being with someone. It may mean having a friend, or a husband, or wife, or mutual understanding, or one of those crazy other terms that dont make sense to me. Loving someone means being patient, kind, not envying, not boasting, humbling ourselves, not being rude, not seeking our own ends, not being easily angered, it’s rejoicing in the truth, always protecting, always trusting, always hoping, and always persevering.
Sometimes, maybe even many times, we find ourselves in relationships that have gone dry and we’re wondering what’s missing. We feel unfulfilled in the relationship so we wonder whether it’s us or them, whether we did something wrong, or where we went wrong, what can we do to fix things, or compare notes with talk shows, websites, and “experts”. Some people will advice finding similar interests or hobbies, getting makeovers, taking a vacation, or buying new stuff, and these aren’t bad, but they’re shallow and cheap, and won’t fill that high-standard hunger in every human being to be truly loved.
My opinion, and that’s all this is, a humble opinion from a non-expert with a track record of mistakes, both of you should DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO LOVE. It’s not about having a certain number of hours together, or having me time or her time or alone time, or our media-planted romantic gestures, or remembering birthdays, or buying expensive things, but about doing whatever it takes.
And if it includes all the above, then it includes all of the above.
So value the right things, value the right person, and choose well depending on who you and what you value because when you’ve chosen you have to do whatever it takes to love them.
That’s a lot of work.
That’s probably why I prefer the office.
But if you value the right things and have chosen well, you don’t need to worry, because, as I’ve said in the past, you can never go wrong with the priceless things will always be great no matter how expensive they are. They’ll always be a steal.
If you want to read the others, you can read them at the following links:
1. It’s About What’s Most Important
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements
5. It’s About Whatever It Takes