It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert. Do I live this way? Most probably not, which explains my current status. These are OPINIONS. Don’t bet your life on them.

If you want to read the others, you can read them at the following links:
1. It’s About What’s Most Important
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements
5. It’s About Whatever It Takes

I don’t know how many times I goofed or messed up while having good intentions. I remember once, I saw two of my friends (they were cousins), and I had heard that their grandmother had died, so I went up to them and gave my condolences only to be told, “David! She’s not dead! She’s just sick!” That was incredibly embarrassing, but not as bad as when, exactly one week after, I saw the same two cousins, and asked them if their grandma was getting better. Shaking their heads they responded, “David. She’s dead.”

***Awkward silence***

What does this have to do with relationships? It’s simple. Our good intentions aren’t enough. What’s important is that we get the right message across.

I was genuinely asking about the health of my friends’ grandmother, but the message I sent was, “I really have no idea what’s happening in your life, so I’m making a fool of myself”.

In business, no matter how many times a salesman says his lines, or hands out flyers, or makes calls if nobody’s buying then he’s not succeeding in getting his message across. It’s not the customer’s fault if he doesn’t want to buy. He can say “Buy this. Buy this. But this. Buy this.” a million times. If the customer isn’t convinced, he won’t get the sale. The burden of communicating a message is always with the messenger, not the receiver.

So you mean that if I told my girlfriend she’s beautiful a million times a day there’s still a chance she’ll get jealous when my head turns towards the hot girl walking past?

Yes. Why? Maybe it’s because all your head-turning is causing her to feel insecure. It’s not how many times you call her beautiful that will make her feel secure.

What will make her secure then? I have no idea. But you have to figure it out and reinforce it, because it’s not about how many times you say something, it’s about getting the message across.

In the same way if a simple note in his luggage will send the message, then write those notes. You don’t have to worry about doing anything crazy, just get the message across.

You’ll notice that I’m not giving exact steps to get the message across, and the reason is because it’s different for everyone. Some people are moved by just the slightest things, some need something more deliberate, but whatever it is the principle here is: Get the Message Across.

And what’s the message?

That you value your partner most. That you chose them and continue to choose to put them first daily. That you’re excited about the unlimited possibilities you have together. And that you’ll do what it takes.

In other words, the message is, “I love you”.

How you get that message across is where the fun and challenge lies. But it’s worth it because remember this is the person you value most.

Notes for the Ladies (and for guys as well):
1.A smooth guy isn’t enough – in fact, be careful. They’ll know what to say and do, they’ll be funny, seem smart and opinionated, and seem generally well-liked. But until you know what he’s made off, and see that he’s worth it, don’t fall in love. Instead look for kindness, generosity (not to be mixed up with galante), humility, patience, and passion. Look for love, not romance. If you’re not getting the message (that he values you most. That he chose you and continues to choose to put you first daily. That he’s excited about the unlimited possibilities you have together. And that he’ll do what it takes.), seriously take this into consideration: you don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t communicate these things to you – no matter how rich or good looking he is.

2.Don’t fall in love on your own – you’ll probably hate me for adding this, but my stock among females isn’t high anyway so there’s nothing to lose. Don’t fall in love on your own. “We don’t do that!!!” Let me explain, you see a cute guy, you ask your friend what his name is, you check him out on facebook and find out he likes kids and can cook, then you hear another friend say what a great guy he is, and it turns out he lives in your village, your heart is beating a little faster with each revelation, then you realize you share the same birthday, and that he also likes the color red and the same bands, and movies, it gets better and better, culminating in the only possible conclusion: you two were meant for each other. Um… NO. It could also mean that he’s just really a great guy. It could also mean you don’t know enough about him. It could also mean you have a lot of similarities. It could mean a hundred other things but all on your own you fell in love. Instead, don’t be pathetic. Busy yourself with your life’s purpose, walk the very special path prepared for you, and grow, and learn, and improve, before you know it may meet someone interesting, and when you do you’ll be happy you lived right, because you won’t need to pretend, you’re already impressive. If things work out, it’s even better; you’ll be offering him a wonderful version of yourself. Not something in desperate need of improvement.

3.Be aware of what you’re communicating – By this point, your head is probably thinking about whether your guy is communicating the proper things. But before guys become the bad guys, look at yourself and think about what you’re communicating. What does your facebook or twitter status messages say about you? What do your pictures or poses convey? I personally cringe at the number of people who retweet every known love quote on the planet. Some guys might actually like that. I’m not saying pretend, but be wise about what you put out. In this social age you can either build a great reputation or sell yourself cheap. Are you too easy to get? Are you too stuck-up and stiff? Are you kind? What are you? Who are you? These are just a few questions to help you as you figure out what you’re communicating.