Tall Tales

A Boy, a Girl, an Evil Ninja Clan, a Beautiful Alien from Venus, an Old Leper, a Cat Lady who Lived in a House that Smelled of Pigeon Poop, and a Lot of Falling Leaves

So I began the story. “This is the story of A Boy, a Girl, an Evil Ninja Clan, a Beautiful Alien from Venus, an Old Leper, a Cat Lady who Lived in a House that Smelled of Pigeon Poop, and a Lot of Falling Leaves. This is a true story. I can’t offer any proof, but the drunk who told it to me swears so. Once upon a time…” “It’s a true story?” She interrupted. “Didn’t I just say it was??” “But just the title is too fantastic already.” “Do YOU want to tell the story? Because you asked me to tell you a story, and now I’m telling you one and you’re shooting it down at the runway. It’s like asking me to fly a kite and then you come running with scissors and cut the string.” “I never did that.” “That’s why I said ‘like’. Do you know what ‘like’ means? It’s comparative.” “Of course I know what ‘like’ means! You’re so argumentative!” “Do you want the story or not? Because we can waste our time arguing, even if you know you’re wrong and I’m right, as always, OR you can say, ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. Please tell me the story.’ “I hate you. And because I hate you so much, I’m going to tell all your friends you know what. ” “Come on. That’s too much. Why do you always have to take things too far??” “Say you’re sorry.” “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I married the wicked witch.” “So which of your friends do you want me to tell first?” “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being argumentative. I’m sorry I offended you, even if you’re so sensitive, but I know it’s my fault. I’m sorry for lying about it being a true story, even if it is, according to the drunk, in my story, yeah, the drunk in my mind. I’m sorry I said you’re looking healthier, even if I didn’t mean you look fat. I was just concerned that in case there’s a fire I wouldn’t be able to carry you, I’d have to roll you out, and you’d get 3rd degree burns. I’m also concerned about diabetes and you’re heart of course. I’m sorry that, five years ago, I said you reminded me of my mother, even if you do. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done wrong to everyone and everything.” “That’s the lousiest sorry I’ve ever heard. I should compile all your stupid apologies.” “Ok, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.” “You don’t mean it.” “Of course I mean it!” “I don’t feel that you mean it.” “Maybe you should exfoliate.” “What was that?” “Nothing.”