Got this from a post a friend emailed me. I thought it was hilarious.
A New York City woman once posted this personal ad for a wealthy husband:
I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all…
I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY. Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
A wealthy Wall Street guy responded:
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
This was supposed to be my piece in a publication but I think it’s turned out for the best that I’m publishing it here. I think Valentines is also a great time to post this because of all the external pressures and internal longings of the season. I’m adding this to my series: This Is Who You Are.
I was asked to write something, anything, from a guy’s perspective, and one thing I want to remind you from the start is that there are many kinds of guys, just as there are many kinds of girls. So my perspective may not be what people would consider the common guy perspective. I won’t be writing about secrets to keep your man happy, or whether I wear boxers or briefs, or what I think makes a woman sexy.
Instead, I have written a short piece on a different kind of woman, a woman I find both fascinating and challenging because of the standards she upholds. She is a rare kind of person, and in this world that promotes sexiness, fortune, fame, and everything fleeting, she is an endangered species – and that makes her all the more beautiful.
It doesn’t take an expert to know that the more rare something is, the more valuable it is.
We know this from art, from jewelry, from antiques, to cars, to even bags, and haute couture. Let’s take the very famous Birkin bag for example. While many people are impressed by it, very few will know the answer as to why they’re so expensive in the first place. I asked a few fashion friends, and what did they tell me? “Because it’s Hermes!”
Powerful branding, yes. Deep thinking, no.
Let me tell you why a Birkin commands such a high price: craftsmanship, materials used, maker, and lastly, rarity.
First of all only expert artisans work on the bags which are handmade and bearing the Hermes’ signature saddle stitching. It takes about 2 days to make one bag. The materials are from various specialty tanners that give each bag a distinct smell and texture. Given that the process is so meticulous and the attention to quality so focused, the result is a strong albeit heavy bag that is one of a kind. In other words each is distinct. Each is rare.
More rare than a Birkin, more rare and infinitely more valuable than the treasures of the Earth is a Woman of Beautiful Values. What is she? Who is she?
She is a woman who is not dictated by the trends, not easily impressed with the famous, not swayed by worldly pressures, and not discouraged by life’s challenges. She is a woman who knows her values, what’s truly important to her, and pursues them with focus and discipline, faith and hope, perseverance and passion.
Some may say, “I know a lot of women like that. What’s so rare about that?”
Well it’s the second part. Not only does she pursue her values, THE DIFFERENCE IS IN WHAT SHE VALUES. What makes her so rare is what she makes important in her life.
Values are the things we hold important. What we value becomes obvious based on what we spend our time, energy, and money on. Think about it? When a guy likes a girl, he spends whatever time, energy, and money he has on her. When a girl wants to shop, she spends time, energy, and money. When a parent has children, he or she spends time, energy, and money. And the more valuable something or someone is to us, the more we spend time, energy, and money on it.
A Woman of Beautiful Values spends time, energy, and money on cultivating her inner being, not just her physical shell, because she understands that who she is inside is she who she truly is when age and nature and life strips youth. She cultivates her mind with noble thoughts and learning. She fills her soul with noble inspirations. She grows in spirit through faith. Though no one sees or commends her, nor puts her on a list of most sexy, a Woman of Beautiful Values is secure in understanding, that what is essential is invisible to the eye, as the book The Little Prince so eloquently says.
A Woman of Beautiful Values spends her time, energy, and money on beautiful things. What are beautiful things? These are things that matter, things that last, starting with other people. A Woman of Beautiful Values spends her time, energy, and money on making other people better.
Her life’s emphasis is making the lives of others beautiful, not so much in proving her own beauty. She desires to lift others up, even at her expense because she understands that this is what it means to truly love.
A Woman of Beautiful Values spends her time, energy, and money on living a life of true love. She seeks to validate, not to be validated. She seeks to serve, not to be served. She seeks to give, not to take. Yet she does not lack validation, nor service, nor gifts, because in her is a cistern full from a lifetime of investing in her soul and spirit.
A Woman of Beautiful Values values God most. There is a humility that comes with complete dependence on God. Humility comes with admitting that we cannot live this life without Him. Humility isn’t silence or the lack of bragging. It is seen when one exhibits willful service, gracious forgiveness, and quiet trust.
To sum it up, a Woman of Beautiful Values is full of faith, hope, and love because she embraces the source of these three virtues: God.
ONE OF A KIND. I like that phrase. That’s a Woman of Beautiful Values. It signifies rarity, that among everything and everyone in this class, you’re set apart. You’re special. There’s no one like you.
O Woman of Beautiful Values, don’t envy the common ways – no matter how famous, no matter how enticing, no matter how euphoric, for the world needs more ladies like you. Don’t worry if you’re not on a billboard, people don’t advertise their treasures. Don’t worry if you’re not sought, there are really more fans than there are connoisseurs.
Have I described a standard too lofty? Maybe. But the thought of you inspires me. More than your benefits, I know one thing is for sure, that someone this full, this attractive, this impossibly unattainable is worth every moment, every effort, every expense.
Stay strong, stay resolute, stay full of love, O Woman of Beautiful Values, be a light.
Please join the forum.
When one reads this, or the other parts of this series, one may immediately have thoughts of romantic love. Some may remember a name or a face, some a moment or a memory, some a movie or a song, and maybe even a regret. Through the different parts of this series, I had thoughts of all the above. What started as a desire to remind someone else of God’s love, has turned into an unveiling of His love for me. This is why it took me so long to write this last part.
To write this, I dug through the pages of my Moleskines and through old posts, as well as looked at the etymologies of the terms I used. Most of all, I immersed myself in the Bible. For most of my life, I saw the Bible as a rule book, a code of conduct.
I had missed the point.
The Bible is a love story of the most epic nature. It is the romance of the universe that includes body, soul, and spirit, ultimate purpose, ultimate rejection, and ultimate love that led to ultimate redemption. It is about God’s love for man.
Yet, in this infinite love story, is a very personal one. His love for me. His love for David Michael Antonio Bonifacio, despite all my failures, public and private, accidental and malicious.
Within this infinite love is His love for you too. It is freely given and available to anyone who will receive His gift. Like any gift, you have to receive it to enjoy it. A child can’t play with Lego that stays in a box.
Finally, within this love story, is His love for everyone else, and He loves them personally too. This includes everyone we love and hate, everyone we admire and disdain, everyone who supports us and threatens us. This includes everyone.
“Then why is there pain and hurt in this world?” you ask.
Because we have rejected love for imitations. We have praised independence and are embarrassed by dependence, when love is about surrender. We have become too wise and too practical for love, the wisdom of God, as Victor Hugo reminds us. We have become too materialistic and comfortable, and cannot accept that a life of sacrifice and laying one’s life is a worthy one. We have decided that some deserve love, and others don’t. In short, we are selfish, and that has always been the problem.
In a world of conditional love, love will be witheld. In a world where love is witheld, pain and hurt will thrive.
I say “we” because I include myself among the offenders.
Yet, in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul gives us a model of how to live. “Be patient” He says. “Be kind.” and so on. In other words, show love, the real kind.
People ask me question like “How should I treat homosexuals?”, or “How should I treat strangers?” or “How should I treat foreigners who intimidate me?” or “How should I treat people different from me?”
Love them. Be patient. Be kind. So on…
“How do I treat irritating people?” or “How do I deal with my rebellious kids?”
Love them. Be patient. Be kind. So on…
“How do I deal with enemies?” or “How do I deal with people who have hurt me?”
Love them. Be patient. Be kind. So on…
And what happens when you’ve shown extreme patience, extender kindness, and extreme everything on the list?
He ends with this, “These 3 remain, faith, hope, and love…”
In other words, we keep believing that the love we’ve sown will bear good fruit. That’s faith.
We keep looking forward to that day of love’s harvest. That’s hope.
And we do everything again. Be patient. Be kind. And so on… That’s love.
Paul understood that love cannot be enforced, as many of us attempt to do. Love cannot be coerced. You cannot threaten someone with punishment so that they’ll love you – that’s manipulation. You cannot bribe love with blessings – that’s prostitution. You can try to explain love, yet you won’t go very far. We can’t explain the taste of chocolate to someone who hasn’t tried it. What more love?
Love must be shown and love must be experienced, over and over, and over again.
Finally, after everything I’ve written, I’ve described a person who is completely unlike me. That’s the honest truth. Your brothers don’t call you Shrek, your sort-of-exes don’t call you an atomic bomb, iceman, Henry Higgins, and Oscar the Grouch (among other things), and your friends don’t call you a manimal for being loving.
Yet, again, I have salvation, because I am loved.