The Popular Death

The Popular Death

You are not wise
Because you know much
About beautiful excuses
And how to utilize such
To convince yourself
And your cheerleaders
All the while dying
By your choice bleeders

 

There are many very popular and highly-resonating ideas that if misunderstood will lead to frustration and failure. A few that come to mind now are:

1. Do what you love – I looked at my schedule this week, and I can’t say that I “loved” most of the things. In fact, I probably DON’T love most of what I had to do. Who I do love is God, my wife, and family. What I do love are my teams. What I do love is our mission to fundamentally improve the lives of workers. And to truly love all of these, I need to do many things I don’t love. I need to swallow my pride a lot (and get faster at it). I need to work even harder. I need to spend more time on the budgets. I need to be more focused. I need to make hard calls. I need to make sacrifices. I need to face consequences. I need to confront mistakes. If I only did what I loved or felt like doing, I would lose all of the things I actually truly love.

2. Surround yourself with people who support you – I think the better way to say this is “Surround yourself with people who challenge you to become the best version of yourself.” Misunderstanding this will lead someone to surround himself with cheerleaders and remove the necessary iron that sharpens iron. The best performers in the world did not become great by surrounding themselves with cheerleaders. They became great by surrounding themselves with experts, with coaches, with trainers, with people who helped them achieve difficult but great standards. People today are more praised than any past generation yet more insecure. Of course! Insecurity does not come from lack of praise or encouragement. Insecurity comes from lack of competence to face life’s realities.

3. Find a mentor – I think life gives us natural mentors. Their names are Duty, Obligation, and Responsibility. There’s a lot of people seeking “celebrity wisdom”, thinking they will change their lives with some special insight. This doesn’t exist. More high impact is looking at your life’s current roles, identifying what’s expected of you in each role, and committing to do whatever it takes to be excellent in each. If you’re a student, commit to studying hard every single day. Commit to getting great grades. Even if you don’t get top grades, the exercise of sticking to something and finding a way toward a goal will help you for the rest of your life. In your role as a son or daughter, honor your parents in every possible way you can. Get really good at that. In your role as an employee, make your department the best. Commit to improving in your job every single day. Commit to hitting better results every day. Commit to improving focus, to improving network, and to improving competence. These will improve your life way more than spending time with me or anyone who seems to be smart. Mentors are great for people who have committed to achieving great things in their areas of responsibility. In my observation, they’re practically useless for people who don’t understand the basic commitments of natural duties and obligations. How many times have I encountered people, particularly men, who have access to time with great people yet never amounted to anything? They puffed themselves with knowledge, even as they lacked any commitment to build others and other things up.

Remember this quote:

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear.
― Lao Tzu

 

4. It’s the thought that counts – Tell this to the hungry. Tell this to the suffering. Tell this to the people who actually have to make things happen. Our thoughts are important but it is our output that truly counts. It’s not enough to feel pity for the hungry. The question is, did we feed them? It’s not enough to wish for world peace. The question is, are we contributing to peace on Earth? So many people think that their job is simply to think of great ideas for their company. Nope. It’s your job to think, yes, but also to execute, to implement, to learn how to navigate different personalities, different limitations, and still be effective in impacting for good. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people complain that they have great ideas but no one listens, as if they’re entitled to people listening. No one is entitled to being heard, that’s why we develop credibility. No one is entitled to the rewards of success simply because they had an idea, that’s why we work hard.

5. Everyone has a different reality – to a point this is true. But let’s say we don’t use the religion card, there will still be absolute realities such as Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry. If you jump off a building, you will fall and die. That’s physics. If you take certain substances, even if you’ve had a bad day or a bad life or whatever, these substances will twist you mind. That’s chemistry. If you keep going down a foolish road and finding it harder and harder to change, that’s physics, that’s inertia. If you keep running out of money, that’s physics, the law of conservation of matter, it’s also economics. If you feel like you don’t have energy for more productive work, that’s physics again, the law of conservation of energy. And these are absolutes, that, if challenged, will result in predictable consequences. So instead of using “your reality” to excuse bad behavior or bad performance, use your time, money, and energy to understand universal principles and get good at harnessing those. That’s wiser, more logical, and more useful.

I can go on, but these 5 currently standout. They’re very popular. They sound very nice and resonate with a lot of people. But they are wrong. We are not wise not because wisdom is not available, but because we have mistaken resonance for wisdom. We are walking on our journey and encountering different paths all claiming to point to the same end: joy. And instead of seeking understanding, instead of verifying, validating, and testing, we take the road that resonates with us most, and this leads to disaster. Your heart is only a good guide if you have developed it into a strong moral compass that’s anchored on a true north, without which you will be directionless no matter where you go. You will be moved in church but also easily moved in Sodom. And you will wonder why you are so weak when you’ve followed “good” advice, not realizing that “popular” advice is very different from good.

Brothers Bonifacio – This Christmas

Brothers Bonifacio – This Christmas

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away

This year, to save me from tears

I’ll give it to someone special

- Wham

 


 

Our First Christmas Decorations

“More tape please.” Yasmin said, as she stood on two Monobloc chairs, the same two plastic chairs she bought for the apartment when she realized her fiancé didn’t have furniture. “David! More tape! You’re not listening!” I did hear both times, but the first was heard in the man-dimension, that place where time slows and instructions seem more like arrows whizzing-by in the Temple of Doom, things to be dodged, not caught. “Sorry!” I quickly apologized and stretched my hand out to her so she could get the cut-up strips of double-sided tapes sticking to my fingers. “One more.” She said, as she carefully placed the double-sided tape on the wall and firmly pressed the end of a faux-pine garland with small green, gold, and red Christmas balls hanging from them “There!” she said. “Done”

She stepped down and we admired her handiwork. “Do you like it” she asked me. “Yup. Looks nice.” I answered. “I would like it better if we had a sofa under everything instead of this extra mattress.” She said. “But I’m happy we have something Christmassy”

“I’m happy too.” I answered. “I’m happy too.” I don’t think I’ve been that happy about Christmas ornaments since I was a kid, when the trappings signaled the season. But this was a different kind of happiness. As a kid, the joy came from the great expectations of festivities and gifts, but now, it isn’t that at all. It’s seeing Yasmin truly satisfied at making that part of our wall more beautiful.

A few days later, I was sitting on the floor beside a stack of books and my iPad, when I noticed figurines of a small Christmas Tree and an angel. A few minutes later, Yasmin texted me from the bedroom (like we modern folk do), “Did you see the Christmas Tree?” She seemed really excited about it. She loves these random small things. I’m more of a planner. I prefer to have things intricately planned and executed more than randomly cobbled together. I’m the guy who insisted Yasmin plan out the way the Christmas balls were attached to her garland in a consistent alternating of colors. But for some weird reason, these little out-of-place figurines beside the flat screen (also from Yasmin, as I had given my TVs away), looked like they belonged. I stood up and walked to the bedroom. “I saw the figurines.” I said. She smiled, and that smile cut through my cheapo heart.

I decided to increase next year’s Christmas budget.

Nothing like the sincere smile of someone you love to melt your heart.

 


 

My First Christmas Decoration

”…but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.”

- Mark 4:19

I didn’t have much. My place was still furnished back then (it was the year before I decided to go minimalist), but I didn’t have a lot of cash in my account, in my wallet, nor in any of my pockets. It was a tough year like every year has been since taking over that company. But I had it in my heart to use the Christmas season to rekindle a love for God, a love I could feel was still alive, but suffocated by the worries of life and wrong decisions.

So I decided to do what my parents used to do with us as kids: Advent Night, and I went to the store to buy my first Christmas decoration: a wreath and Advent candles.

Here’s a quick reference on Advent candles:

There are three purple candles and one rose-colored candle on an Advent wreath. The purple candles are lit over the course of the first two and fourth Sundays of Advent. These candles represent prayer, penance and preparation for the coming of the Lord that each person is expected to undertake during the Advent season. The rose candle is lit on the third Sunday, Gaudete Sunday, and it represents joy. Gaudete Sunday is seen as a day of rejoicing because it marks the midpoint of Advent.

A white candle can also be placed in the middle of the Advent wreath. When used, this candle is often called the Christ candle. It is only lit on Christmas and represents the birth and purity of the Christ child. The candles are lit progressively throughout Advent to show the hope and expectation of the first coming of Christ and the anticipation of the second coming where Jesus is to judge the living and dead.

- [Advent Wreath](https://www.reference.com/holidays-celebrations/advent-candles-represent-fdfceb390d042274)

I took these and set them up at home, taking care to pray as I would light them at night. I remember celebrating with some friends as well. This is before we all started getting married and having kids. Everyone’s so busy these days. But I do remember a remarkable effect on me as I used an old tradition to trigger a new desire for Christ. Despite the brokenness of my situation, the anchoring practice of coming home, lighting the candles, and praying was good for my soul.

In an age where everyone is after the latest and greatest, that year, I was reminded that many times what we need is not some new technique or new insight. What we need are solid foundations, firm paths under our feet to help us walk steadily. I’m in the business and tech space, an industry that is obsessed with the future, but despite this, whenever I feel a little lost or even incredibly lost, I go back to those old paths, those old traditions taught to me, remembering old stories, implementing old practices, and performing old disciplines. These ancient paths have a way of grounding me, and helping me find my way.

 


 

The Ancient Paths

As I remember the lessons of past Christmases, thinking about all these old traditions and how times are changing fast, displacing many who refuse to change, and leaving many people lost. I was reminded of a question someone asked me about encouraging creativity in the church. He asked, “Where does creativity come from? From the leadership or from the staff? When it’s up to the leader, he reaches a point where his ideas aren’t that creative anymore. When it’s the staff, sometimes they take too many risks or fall away. How would you manage creativity without losing the way?”

I told him, “I don’t believe creativity comes from either. Creativity comes from loving your customer, from truly understanding them deeply and finding ways to serve them in higher impact ways. Look at the most creative organizations in the world. They’re not commanding creativity. They are sparking creativity by understanding their customers.”

What does that question have to do with this article? What does it have to do with Christmas? Well, it has to do with the wave of modern practices engulfing us today. I think it’s important for us to ask ourselves and our families, “How do we enjoy a creative and joyful Christmas without losing the meaning of the season, which is the Love of Christ?” Many times we think that modernization and innovation are at odds with tradition and foundations. But they don’t have to be.

A few weeks ago, I read:

Thus says the LORD, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’

- Jeremiah 6:16

The words Ancient Paths stuck with me. The verse clearly said that finding this path would lead to rest for our souls. What an awesome promise.

So I did a little more digging, which is probably what I’m doing if you see me busily hammering away on my iPhone, ignoring everything going on around me. Here’s what I wrote in my notes:

What are the ancient paths?

  • The way of faith: The way of complete trust and obedience
  • The way of holiness: The way of transformative love

How do we NOT walk in the ancient paths?

The ancient paths are not about the age or the recency of the concept but about alignment with God’s original purpose of living each day in faith and transformative love.

When new ideas, new concepts, new innovations lead to less faith in God (less belief and less obedience) and less holiness (less transformative love) then we fall away from the ancient paths.

This led me to this decision:

Never be too modern, too edgy, too disruptive, too innovative for faith and holiness. We see this when:

    ○ Ideas of grace condone sin
    ○ Technology causes sin
    ○ Disruption causes division

The I also thought:

When old conventions, old policies, old traditions lead to less faith in God (less belief and less obedience) and less holiness (less transformative love) then we fall away from the ancient paths.

Never be too conservative, too formulaic, too defined, too stable for faith and holiness. As seen by:

    ○ When we live by convention not conviction, and sacrifice creativity, limiting transformative love
    ○ When we lead by policy not by purpose, destroying passion, and preventing transformative love
    ○ When we mistake tradition for obedience, fooling ourselves, and destroying our ability to impact with transformative love

The Ancient Paths, are the decisions we make that lead us to greater faith in God and greater transformative love. And t his simple verse gives an elegant way to discern our activities this Christmas:

Will this lead us down to more trust, more faith, and more holiness?

And connected to this:

How can I make this activity (whatever it is I am doing), a way that exercises faith and leads to more transformative love?

Let’s get practical.

  • Don’t just give gifts. Pray for every person you’re giving to as well.
  • Instead of just showing up for church, rekindle faith and spur loving action.
  • Don’t just sing the carols. Worship with your soul through obedience.
  • Don’t just get together with the family. Remind the family of your role in blessing others by being generous, especially to the poor.

I can go on but I don’t want you to think that this is about prescriptions. It’s not. Those were just ideas. The point is, this Christmas, go down the path that leads greater trust in God and greater holiness. It really doesn’t matter whether you’re buying gifts or fighting guilt, having a Turkey or scrambling for change, spending time with grandkids or learning how to buy your wife a gift she’ll like. The point is to ask yourself: Does this lead to greater faith and transformative love?

If yes, we should keep going. We’ll find rest. If no, we need to stop. We can’t head home if we run away from it. We won’t find heaven if we seek hell.

I’d like to share a part of an old post to end this one:

There was a time when my father had lost his business, we had to move into a much smaller house, had to get rid of our cars and really most of our stuff. Christmas, like for everyone else, was usually a big event for our family but this year we really didn’t have any money so the nicely wrapped giant boxes were missing from under a smaller tree, and the turkey was a big chicken with misplaced gravy (that’s another story). But even as we downscaled what Christmas was to me, God was setting up a backdrop for one the greatest lessons I would ever learn. He had to remove the trappings, the traps we fall into, that distract us from Him.

Having very little resources, my mom decided that our Advent would consist of a walk around our tiny village – which was one small circle. My brothers and I were complaining of the flies and having to walk, actually, I think I was the only one complaining. I was such a grumbler looking back. When we got back to the house we realized we had left the keys inside. We were locked out.
So there we were sitting on the curb, my dad, my brothers, me, and my mom, who was still trying to turn everything into a lesson.

I think Joe’s, mine, and Joshua’s minds were thinking “Be quiet”, “Shut up”, ‘Candy” respectively.

Then my mom said:

“Maybe this is how Joseph and Mary felt being locked out of every inn. Imagine what they were going through. And Mary was pregnant. This is what we do to Jesus when we don’t let Him into our lives.”

Years later to today, I still remember her lesson, but I think I’ve realized something deeper. More tragic than what we do to Jesus when we don’t let Him reside in our heart, is what we do to our lives – we leave it a dark empty shell with no light and no life.

I think about that Christmas lesson, and about all the other Christmas lessons, each of them a step towards greater faith and greater holiness as we draw closer to Jesus. This gives me peace. It gives me peace because I am reminded that though circumstances change, some seemingly for the worse, I only need to look for the step that exercises greater faith and leads to transformative love, and then take the next step, and the next. I may not know where these steps will take me through. I do know that the promise at the end is rest.

I’m really looking forward to a restful Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone!

The Absurdities

The Absurdities

Inspired by the absurd thinking of people of today, always whining about things around them, yet unable to face the simple improvements in themselves. 

David was preparing for a job interview. He had already showered, put on an expensive shirt, and was in the process of styling his fashionable hair in front of a mirror when he noticed a really large booger hanging from his nose. He took a towel beside him and wiped the mirror. The booger was still there. “What the f—?” He whispered.” And he tried wiping away again, only to find the booger still hanging from his nose.
He called to his roommates, “Look at this f—ing mirror! It keeps making me look ugly.”

One roommate, Michael walked in, looked at him, saw the booger, but not wanting to offend his friend, looked at the mirror and said, “That’s a terrible mirror dude. We both know you’re better looking than that. Don’t let this mirror define you. They’re always trying to show our worst. You’re an awesome guy. You look great.”

Another roommate, Antonio, walked in and started laughing, “Dude, you have a really big booger hanging from your nose!”

David, offended at being laughed at, answered “No I don’t! You’re always so mean! Always pointing out what’s wrong about people. You never encourage. You think you’re better than everyone else! I know I look great. It doesn’t matter what you say. I know with all my heart that I look great. Even Michael said I do. I hate judgemental people like you! You always notice the bad stuff. You didn’t compliment my shirt, or my hair, and you just laughed at me. ”

Antonio was surprised at the reaction of David, given that there really was a booger hanging, and wiping it wouldn’t have been any big deal, but not wanting to cause any further offense, offered, “Sorry dude. Didn’t know it would offend you so much. Here let me wipe it for you.” And took a tissue to remove it.

“Don’t touch me! What are you doing?” David snapped.

“I was going to remove the booger.” Antonio answered.

“There is no booger. Now you’re going to insist on fixing me? It’s not your job to fix me. You’re always trying to fix everyone when it’s  your face that needs fixing. Everyone knows I’m special.”

“Look in the mirror, David!” Antonio told him, “Look in the mirror yourself!”

“Don’t be so harsh, Antonio”, Michael said. “Can’t you see how much effort David has put into getting dressed. Besides, he’s about to go to a job interview. Let’s offer him support not discouragement. He doesn’t meet any negativity.”

Antonio was dumbfounded. “Just look in the mirror. You’ll know what I’m talking about.”

“I have looked in the mirror. I look great. It’s the mirror that’s wrong. It’s a judgemental mirror. It didn’t take into account my clothes, my hair, the time and effort I already spent. It wants to show me the one bad thing about me. And that’s unfair! Why should I change for this stupid mirror??” David shot back.

Michael turned to David, “Don’t let these mirrors get to you. They don’t see inside you. They don’t know the real you. Trust in your heart and know you’re good. You’ll kill this interview. They’re going to hire you on the spot. Remember Sarah from last night? She said you were hot right?”

David smiled, remembering his amazing first date the night before. “Thanks Michael. You’re always an encouragement. Every time I’m down you’re the one who helps me up. You always make me feel like a better person. I think it’s because you have such a pure and kind heart. Unlike this other guy…” David snarled looking at Antonio

“Guys, it’s just a booger. And the mirror is already showing you. Just wipe it off and go.”

“No more negativity and criticism Antonio.” Michael butt in. “The world is already full of discouragement. What our friend needs is our support.”

“And a Kleenex…” Antonio said.

“Here you go again mocking people. You’re so arrogant!” David said.

“Ok, ok… I’ll just leave.” Antonio said, still at a loss on why David wouldn’t just wipe his nose.

“Don’t mind Antonio” Michael told David. “He means well. He can just be harsh. But you know you’re a good person right?”

“Yes” David replied.

“Then go show the world how good you are!” Michael encouraged him.

David smiled. He felt renewed by his friends encouragement. He really liked Michael. Michael was awesome. Michael always made him feel important.

He thanked Michael and left for his interview.

Hours later, Michael heard the door open and saw David walk in. “How’d the interview go?” He asked.

“The world is so unfair.” David started. “It’s a cruel world out there. So unfair. They didn’t even give me chance.” He was so angry as he said this. “I walked into the reception on time and asked for my appointment. The receptionist giggled and said, ‘You might want to wipe your nose first sir.’ I got a little mad. After Antonio this morning, I didn’t have a lot of patience for yet another judgemental person. So I told her, ‘I’m not commenting on how fat you are. You have no right to comment on how I look! Now please give me the room of my appointment!’ She got shocked but looked at her computer and pointed me to Room 1005. I walked towards a room and sat on one of the chairs outside to wait my turn. Then the man beside me said ‘Excuse me sir. You have a booger hanging from your nose.’ This time I kept my cool and just ignored him. I thought to myself ‘What the f— does this guy know about me? He doesn’t know me at all. Arrogant bastard. So judgemental’ and I just waited my turn.

Finally, my name was called and I walked in, shook the hand  of my interviewer and was about to sit down when he started laughing. ‘You might want to wipe your nose first’ he said.

This time I had had it. I wasn’t going to stand for this anymore. Someone needed to teach these judgmental people a lesson. ‘F— you.’ I told him ‘F— all you judgemental people. You think that just because you’re older or have been working longer you can talk to people like that? You think you’re better than me? Well you’re not. F— You. You think that you know me? You don’t. You know nothing about me. You’re a f—ing loser, working in this dead end job, and that’s why you’re so harsh and mean and judgemental. Don’t compare me to you. I’m out of here.’

And with that I stormed off.”

“That’s really terrible.” Michael empathized with him. “The world can be harsh but you just need to be brave. I admire you for your strength and courage. You fought against judgmental propels and narrow minds.”

“I need a job though.” David said, with a little practicality seeping in. “How am I going to find a perfect job in such a terrible world where everyone is so horrible?”

“Just be patient. You’ll find the perfect place. Good things happen to people who are pure. You’re a good man. God will see your heart and bless you.”

“Thanks Michael. But what if no one accepts me? What if they all try to mold me to be like them?”

“Well, f— em!” Michael proclaimed. As if he didn’t just invoke God’s blessing a sentence ago.

“Yeah!” David felt empowered once more “F— em!”