This is Why You’re Insecure

Feelings of insecurity (particularly job security) can be met with honest answers to these questions:
– Am I useful to those I seek security from? Why?

– Am I needed by those I seek security from? Why?

– Am I effective at providing what’s required? Why?

– Am I better than the alternatives they have? Why?

If you’re not useful, not needed, ineffective, and worth less than the alternatives, if your team will do fine without you because you really aren’t consistently improving things, then your insecurity is not your boss’s fault but your own. You can whine about how evil your leaders are or how terrible your circumstances are, but you’ll always be insecure. Insecurity doesn’t come from an external requirement but from an internal inadequacy. Today’s, politically correct world will tell you it’s “ok”, that the fault lies in someone else’s doing, which is not true. You’re insecure because you know that you’re not as good as the others out there. But here’s the thing, it’s not because you can’t be great. It’s because you won’t be great. You won’t fight your excuses, your self-accepted reasons for failure. You won’t stop hiding behind your cheerleaders, including your parents and “prayer warriors”. You won’t discipline yourself. You won’t better yourself. You won’t study. You won’t do the necessary boring, even painful, stuff. And that’s not ok. It’s not ok to say you want fairness yet expect others to make it happen consistently, while you only work on what you feel like. It’s not ok to want a better world and say your opinions while you stay in your bubble, safely protected by the harsh realities of those fighting it out and stay engaged, making up your own issues in your head – like “not knowing my passion”.

Stop listening to the feel good advice. If you’re more useful, if you’re more needed, if you’re more effective than the alternatives, you’ll find security.

You will never find security in the arms of today’s nanny culture, just like an adult would never find security in having a yaya. At best you’ll have pockets of artificial security, when you’re in church, when you’re in small group, when you’re at a party, when you’re drunk, when you’re at the gym, but you won’t be sustainably secure.

You’re insecure not because the world sucks, but because, in my opinion, you’re selfish. If the world really sucks, if that is its natural state, then why feel bad about it? We feel bad because we know the world should be better. Now if the world should be better, if we want a better situation, who should make it better? Others? What do you call someone who wants something better but expects others to make that better happen for him? A selfish entitled brat.

You’re not insecure because the world is a terrible place or because other people are evil. You’re insecure because you’re a brat.

Last Weekend My Site Got Hacked

Last weekend, my website,, was hacked, and it was a good thing.

Strangely, I felt very at peace with it.

I was upset with the breach in security, but for some reason I felt no emotional attachment to the hundreds of posts and drafts that were potentially lost. Unlike the first time my blog crashed, when I lost over 500 articles, I did not feel as crushed. I thought about why I responded differently this time, now that things are restored thanks to the handiwork of EP’s Justin and Paola. Here’s what I realized: My life’s work is my life itself, not simply what I’ve produced. Subconsciously, I’ve moved from evaluating my life based on what I’ve achieved and amassed to evaluating my life based on who I am becoming. The hacker could take my life’s writing, but he (or she) could never take the character I’ve cultivated and the person I’ve become. My character, who I become, is under my control.

This reminded me of a line that I repeat with the Bridge team over and over again: You cannot control anyone but yourself. You control the world by controlling yourself. It’s a concept I am determined, thought admittedly struggling, to apply to myself, this reality that I cannot control anyone or anything, and that I can only control myself. I make things happen through the level of influence I’m able to impress on others and on my environment.

I am most effective, most in control, when I am, in whatever circumstance, becoming more and more the David that is aligned with my principles. I am, to take from Socrates, being true to the self that I should be, the self I have decided upon examination of my life and the weighing of my values. The beauty of this is that, while it is affected by external factors, it is not dependent on these external factors. How I choose to be shaped by the event and by the experience is within my control.

This in turn led me to think about the moments when I hate myself most, when I feel least in control, or least effective. I am most disgusted with myself when I am not acting according to the values I have embraced. It’s when I find myself becoming more materialistic. It’s when I find myself sinking in pettiness. It’s when I allow myself to get dragged into drama with no objective. It’s when I allow myself to be offended by small minds, or, conversely, don’t allow myself to be challenged by greater minds. It’s when I am not allowing situations to humble me, teach me, improve, strengthen me, and grow me, because of some external pressure or inner pride. I hate myself most when my choices don’t reflect a proper weighing of values but a surrendering to the worse sides of me, which include giving in to both temptations and pressure – even the pressure of seemingly innocent but unprincipled or ignorant people.

My life’s work is my life itself, as seen by the character I am able to cultivate, and that character is under my control. What a freeing thing to realize. And the more I strengthen this, the more I develop my character the more I deepen my soul, the more I grow a value that cannot be taken away from me, a value I am now free to offer the right lover, God.

Last weekend, my site got hacked. And it was a good thing. It was a clear sign to change my blog and move further away from the pop-wisdom that does not show nor cares to measure the actual impact of the teaching. From the “do what you love” posts that are so popular but cannot deny that more supposedly educated people are lost today without purpose, to the financial advisories that have not statistically been able to show greater wealth generation and less inequality despite their best sellers, to the feel-good family experts and their cure-alls that can’t stop the march of broken homes and destruction of meaning in gender and authority, I realized that many of my posts are like theirs, liked but not lived, shared but not imparted. And when the world gets “worse”, when tragedy visits us, our common response is “See? Told you, you should have listened to me” instead of being self-examining and seeing where our methods, or even our messages, have been ineffective.

I don’t write to inspire. I’m not interested in follows, likes, and shares. If my life’s work is the character of my life itself, then to love others, to want them to have amazing lives is to sincerely want them to cultivate wonderful character as well. That’s what I want my writing to help achieve, and it’s the most I can hope for, because the real cultivating, the real impressive hard work, doesn’t happen on this page, but in every person’s inner victories. I don’t just want to say “God loves you” but to also say “You must love God”, and to also say, “you can’t force love but fall in love”, and to also say “you fall for beauty”, and to also say “you fall for that which you make beautiful so be careful what seeds you plant”.

I guess I’m writing for a narrow audience, an audience that won’t be impressed but will be challenged, who won’t simply lap up but ponder, seek God, and pray, who don’t see security and comfort as ultimate ends nor basis for wise decision making. I’m writing for an audience who doesn’t believe in special people: great people who have superhuman capabilities and must be worshiped and lesser people who have disadvantages and must be coddled. I’m writing for a people who believe in being compassionate without believing that people are entitled to compassion. Those are different. I’m writing for people who’ll go on their own journeys to their own who knows where, as I’ve written about in my fictional chapters. I’m writing for people that realize that God gave them a mind to use, not to surrender to the easiest idea to chew on.

In my own private writing, I find that I am more and more convicted, not so much that I do not follow tradition, but that I do not cut-off more superstition. Do I love God? I ask myself, or Do I love convenience and comfort? Do I love what is righteous more than what is expected? What do my prayers reflect?

Last weekend, my site got hacked, and it was a good thing. It affirmed that I am not my writing, but me, and it refocused my efforts on that small number of people who want more than the prescribed lifestyle sweet spot, but on achieving a character that truly glorifies God and uses their God-given freedom to enjoy Him forever.

These Infinite Other Ways

You prove me wrong over and over
I’m sure I’m to go a certain way
Then You open up another…

Then one after another…
So many paths to choose from
I find myself confused with wonder

Which of the infinite ways?
Which is right for me?
Which of these lead to Your place?

Your place, Your place
Where Your beauty is present
Beyond time and space

Which of the paths I face
Of these infinite winding veins
Lead to Your place?

You say, “Choose.”
I say, “Just give me one.
I’m afraid to lose.”

You repeat, “Choose.
A loss greater than mistakes
Is to allow your freedom to lose.”

“But what if I’m wrong?
You know how prone I am to pride.
What if I choose the siren’s song?

And miss Your place…
Your City I’ve long desired
Lost for the rest of my days”

You are silent and still
Though I feel you are there
Or am I imagining my own will?

The sound of the wind and rustling
I listen, but they are all I hear
I hear no audible leading

So I choose a way
Of the infiite paths
I choose a road to stay

Am I wrong? Am I right?
I can only study and hope
And live by faith not by sight

I dream to find You present in Your place
Until then I must content
With my heart’s picture of Your face