This Is Who You Are

I Don’t Care What Anyone Says, Don’t Be A B!tch

In this world that has no appreciation for etymology, people have forgotten that being a bitch once meant you were as good as a dog, being a slut meant you were dirty and cheap, and being a whore meant you would do anything for whatever it was you were selling yourself for, such as money, a guy, a position, an object, or even attention. If I was a girl, and anyone called me that, I’d tell them exactly this, “Excuse me. I know you think you’re cool and modern, but I know my dictionary, and I know there are thousands of other compliments that suit me better.” My thinking is simple: Be a bitch and you’ll get the life of a bitch. Why even want to be a bitch? Respect? Love? You may get something but they won’t be these two. Maybe attention. Maybe temporary adoration. Maybe something much worse. No one becomes more valuable by labelling themselves something cheap. And if it’s a relationship you want, you’re approaching it wrong. The way to a fulfilling relationship is not more attention or getting more people attracted. It’s about love. Getting into a relationship for the sake of it shouldn’t be a motivation, not even marriage in itself is a great reason. Think about it. What’s so great about limiting the options of your life’s happiness to one incredibly flawed human, and committing to devote yourself to someone who is bound to hurt you as you are bound to hurt him? Sounds like a cage to me. No one finds that security and satisfaction we long for in a cage. And if it weren’t for a one secret ingredient, marriage would just be a convenient social mechanism for the orderly preservation of humanity. That ingredient is love. Love makes it worth it. Love makes it great. Love makes commitment to one, and only one person desirous because love allows us to enjoy someone deeply and endlessly. With love there is kindness, there is gentleness, there is devotion, and when we hurt each other, there is forgiveness. Love, at least true love, the old-fashioned kind we hardly remember these days, the kind that is about commitment and endurance just as much as it is about passion and growth, will never require you to be a bitch to get what you want. You want a guy to love you for you, not for your skills. You want a guy who’s crazy about you, not your timing. You want a guy who devotes himself to you, not someone who is simply challenged by you. What you want is a man with good character. And the secret to getting a man of good character is to be a woman of good character. No one has perfect character, but you can tell when someone is moving towards being a better neighbor, a better servant, being more humble, being kinder, and being more loving. Tips and tricks, maneuvers and manipulations, strategies and tactics, and even new paradigms and empowered attitudes won’t necessarily bring you love and fulfillment. They may get you a guy but be careful of what you long for. When McDreamy’s looks grow stale on you, when your own artificial self-esteem props fall away, and they will, you better be sure that the person you’re with has good character, or you’ll wake up in a nightmare.